Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Smells Like Rotten Eggs

Ok. So I love my children SOOO much...but I need some advice.  Samuel who was 4 in May is one of those kids that loves and I mean LOVES to talk.  You really are never sure what is going to come out of his mouth.  His soaks up everything he sees and hears, and then he verbally thinks through it all... Lets just say, we laugh a lot and also look each other and wonder how fast we can change the subject sometimes.  Lately, he has been pushing our buttons hard... Example 1: he is sitting at the dinner table alone right now as I am typing this, because he is the last one eating. I have cleaned up the kitchen and now he just told me his hand is too tired to feed him.  He then proceeded to hold his arm up in the air and then let it drop... All this because he doesn't want to eat anymore... Example 2: In one of my wonderful parenting moments I had my finger pointed at him and not happily telling him to do something and he told me me that I needed to put my finger down that it wasn't nice. Example 3: One day he told us that time out isn't too bad because you just sit by yourself for a couple minutes and then you can get up and play.  How do I respond to this?  Example 4: We tried taking away reading before bed as a punishment one night and then he told us as we were putting him to bed that is was ok that we didn't read because he had a really long day day and he was really tired.  It gets under my skin but my mom says it is payback because I was exactly the same way. The examples could go on forever. Does anyone have any advice for us and how we can discipline a child who really seems to think through things but who really keeps my blood boiling...I love him sooo much.  I don't want to crush that spirit but he continues to be very defiant.


Us said...

Let me know when you figure it out. This is why you let your friends have kids before you! Sorry you're having a hard time though.

He does sound an awful lot like someone I know though :) Stubborn much?

majorfam said...

I honestly think most of this is fairly "normal" behavior. Obedience and submission to authority is not natural, (even for us with our heavenly Father) has to be taught or even drilled into us sometimes. Think of how much refining we have gone through in our lives and even how much more we need.
I have also learned at around age 3 (or even earlier) you have start teaching WHY we obey. Obedience is always expected in our house but both our girls are old enough to understand they CAN choose the consequence of not obeying...IE: Timeout might be worth the behavior!
They have to LEARN to WANT and DESIRE to obey us. Just like WE WANT and DESIRE to obey HIM!.

Some other things we are doing are:

1. Always be consistent. If you say something and don't follow thru it sends mix signals.
2. Tell them the truth. Like when he told you to put your hand down, say "Samuel, that is disrespectful. I am your mommy and God says to honor your father and mother. You will not speak to me that way again. If he does, repercussions must occur.
3. Find their currency. What does he really like? Use this as a way to teach him how to earn/lose rewards.
4. Find discipline tactics that work. If timeout alone does not work. Send him to timeout and take away a train.
5. Remind Samuel of his VERY important role in Big Brother and how Joseph is going to do exactly what he does.
Hope this helps. I am not an expert but we had to find ways to really instill a spirit of "desire to please" in our girls. This makes for much happier mommy/daddy and kiddos!